I'll Decide

I really should just dictate all this nonsense and get my secretary to type it all up like normal!! It seriously takes me ages to type all this!!

Two rounds of chemo done and the third this week. That will be half way through as far as the chemo is concerned, with 2 Rituximab infusions to follow after that.  So far so good as far as side effects are concerned (apart from the previously mentioned steroids), I think Ive been pretty lucky.  No real sickness, not too tired and abit of peripheral neuropathy.

I don't know why but Ive felt pretty bullet-proof about the whole thing.  Im sure I can deal with whatever gets thrown at me as far as the physical side of things are concerned.  I don't believe that I can actually 'fight' the lymphoma and I don't like that being used as a term for some patients that survive longer than others. How could anyone suggest that anyone with cancer would fight more or less than someone else?  Some people live; some die; some die sooner than others.  It doesn't mean that they've fought more or less than the others, its just the way it is.  My body and the chemo will do my fighting, Ive just got to keep on being me (without hair obviously lol).

I believe there is a big difference between 'fighting' and having a positive attitude.  My positive attitude is taking a slightly less than serious view of the whole thing and I think/hope this blog helps me do that, without coming across as being too flippant.

Strange how you can surprise yourself though.  Perhaps Im not totally this 'what will be will be' kind of person that I thought I was.
Something that I saw today really stuck in my head, completely out of the blue.  Earlier this evening I saw a man wearing a baseball cap with "I'll decide" written on it.  Ive no idea what its supposed to relate to, but I seemed to relate to it.  Seems like there may be some of that 'fight' (whatever its supposed to be?) in me after all.

My futures not up to you lymphoma, its up to me - "I'll decide"